IF there's one thing that can teach you quality life lessons, it's good old Aussie advertising.
Telly never lies to you. NEVER. Fact.
As a teenager I learned to brush my teeth thanks to Mrs Marsh, learned how to speak Korean when I was told to "Say 'hi' to high-yoon-die" (we've since learnt how to really say it) and had nightmares about bugs on my dinner thanks to graphic ads featuring Louis the Fly.
Plus on those rare occasions I'm sick and am forced to watch Daytime TV, its incredible the difference you can make to your life just by getting a machine that wobbles all your bits at high speed.
You should see the people on these ads! Oh my God. Not only did they lose weight, but it also gave them a suntan, thicker hair, a six pack stomach, whiter teeth, muscles on your muscles, and (wait for it ladies), an increased bust size!
How can one machine do all that for just six easy payment of $49.95 plus $29.95 postage and handling if you call in the next 8 minutes?
If Jonathon Coleman says it's amazing then it has to be! We love you Jono, you'd never sell us out.
BUT I draw the line at the latest XXXX ad.
If you haven't seen it, it's an outrage. It shows a smug looking gentleman launching his flash new bowrider boat behind his Toyota Landcruiser 200, casually loading it up with XXXX and ice for a great day out with his mates, most of whom are probably called Charles, Stephen with a 'P' and Xavier.
Correct me if I'm wrong, but we're looking at about $150 grand for this kind of set up, right?
Let's call a spade a spade here Queensland. Your average humble Aussie XXXX Gold drinker tows a $1000 12-foot tinnie behind a $500 XE Falcon. When they take it out on the water, they are not sitting around sipping drinks in a lovely scenic spot, they are fishing while smashing down stubbies by the dozen.
By the time they are finished fishing they will be so hammered that they'll struggle to navigate their way back to the boat ramp.
This smarmy git in the ad strikes me more as a craft beer or chardonnay drinker.
What happened to XXXX being the working man's beer?
To the makers of XXXX, I beg of you to go back to your drawing board, and have a look at the people who really drink your beer.
Perhaps take a quick look at the classic VB commercials - at least they haven't forgotten their roots.
I'm sure you'll find that most of your customers aren't driving around in $100,000 4WDs, or cruising Moreton Bay in fancy boats.
Bring back the blokes on XXXX Island who are happy to have a beer under a palm tree in their Lowes shorts and thongs, or the old classic, "We don't just like it, we love it!"
Anything but these smug glam campers and fancy four-wheel-drive people.
Update your news preferences and get the latest news delivered to your inbox.