YOUR STORY: The words and violence that nearly destroyed me
By Olivia Hotschilt
''Kill it with fire! Kill it with fire before it lays eggs! '' They shouted from a distance.
The same boys already thrown food at me the days before and a favourite is emptying my school bag of its contents and kicking it around.
I was in 7th grade 2 weeks into my new high school.
''Kill yourself and donate your body to science experiments?''
I stared at the wall and watch the clock ticking down the minutes until I'd move to the next class of people who equally dislike me.
But first I had to make it through the school of 1000 different personalities…
Every day was same, Wake up.
Dread going to school.
Try and bargain my way out or fake an illness to my parents.
Cry, scream and refuse to get ready for school, I was good at lying and better at getting sick on command.
I was scared and awfully lonely, I knew nobody and couldn't find the words to express the constant pain I was in.
I never expected to hate high school more than my primary school experience.
I think to myself of all the times I was bullied for being what and who I am.
As a kid I didn't know what and who I am. I knew myself better than anyone but I couldn't tell you exactly what I was and who I am.
I'm Olivia, I have CFND. That's WHY I look different. Wide eyes, misshaped nose, gapped teeth and a pair of glasses that took up my entire face.
I went to school with one face and then left for a while to come back with a different one again.
How are children meant to react, they knew me as version 1. - Olivia and now I'm Olivia. 1.1…
I had hair on my head and a Good-Luck/Farewell assembly and when I returned I was bald with a great big scar that stretched from ear to ear and a list of rules others had to follow.
I was different from the start but after that day it became increasingly obvious I wasn't going to have it easy…
My primary school life was a walk in the park compared to my teenage years…
As I've been writing and reflecting on these stages I remember being so devastated realising id never be one of those pretty sort of girls, the ones asked on dates and admired.
I felt like a bee in a bird box, Small and vulnerable. Nothing great or measurable would ever happen or be done by me. ''Be grateful that I even exist but in the end I'll be nothing special''
I've never understood the glory in being mean, how does it solve anything and how are you left feeling? Does being mean make you feel better? Happier? If you honestly can say you feel happier by being mean than I do believe you are reading the wrong thing today.
I'm not here giving glory to the words or the violence that nearly destroyed me.
I'm praising the fact it didn't break me. It tore me down for a while and I felt defeated but here I am.
I could count the scars I carry on my skin and tell you all the one's others have caused me but they are healed now, I unfortunately cannot fully heal from the names I've been called and the labels I still hold.
Every-day when I walk outside I know I'll be looked at and talked about.
I'm nearly 24 and should be used to the staring but still on my bad days it cuts deep.
Because on my good days I do forget about my visuals, who I've chosen to have around treat me no different to others. I'm loved and valued for my differences not ridiculed for them.
I'm only human but I try to be kind even on those days I don't feel others deserve it.
I'm Olivia who was born with Craniofrontal Nasal Dysplasia.
My condition doesn't define me and my success, I can do whatever I set my mind to.
I've proven it every day since I chose not to give up, I am no-where near what I want to be but with each morning I am closer to it.
''The fire brings great trauma and suffering, trying not to be choked by the flames. It's necessary for change to happen and the new life sprouts through the ashes, so will I. I'm rising stronger and happier than I could ever hope for.''
I'm proudly writing a children's picture book, educating over social media, T.V and Magazines. My major goal in a big time plan is to work with Australian education in creating support for kids in schools.
Search my story on Google/Oliviahotschilt or via my page.