Thirsty Cow is purely fiction. Any similarities with actual events or something you dreamt once is purely coincidence. Opinions expressed in this column are not necessarily held by anybody.
Thirsty Cow is purely fiction. Any similarities with actual events or something you dreamt once is purely coincidence. Opinions expressed in this column are not necessarily held by anybody.

Shapely leg goes viral

ANGELINA Jollee leg has hired an agent and a personal masseur after taking on a life of its own following a hit appearance at the Oscars.

The leg emerged from the actress's dress on the catwalk and immediately went viral on the internet, attracting multiple Facebook pages and tweets full of bad leg puns.

The leg is said to have signed a major promotion deal with a shoe company and will star as Marilyn Monroe's leg in a new biopic.

Jollee said she was not upset that her leg was now more famous than her.

"Frankly you nurture your limbs and do your best for them but deep down you know one day they will want to branch out and do their own thing," she said. "It would be remiss of me to hold them back."

Jollee conceded the tumultuous rise of her right leg had created some serious leg envy from her left leg which resented missing out on the Oscar jut-out.

"I have always tried to treat both legs equally but it is a hard lesson in life that some get ahead and some don't," she said. "Sometimes it is about being in the right place at the right time and sometimes it is working that bit harder on muscle tone and cream cleansers."

There is speculation that the leg's appearance at the Oscar's was designed to take attention from Jollee's plain black dress which made her look like she was being attacked by a lounge curtain.

In a statement Jollee's right leg denied it had sought to upstage the actress. "Frankly when I saw what she was wearing I decided I should take one for the team," the leg explained. "How was I to know I would be such a hit?"

The leg received support from Pippa Middleton's bottom which became the unwitting star of the recent royal wedding.

The bottom said it had received hate mail from people who resented it upstaging the princess and from women whose bums looked big in things.

"I've now become a virtual recluse, hiding behind loose-fitting dresses and baggy corduroy trousers," Pippa's bottom said. "I plan to give Angelina's right leg a call and try to help it avoid the backlash and learn from my mistakes."

Futurist Clive Larsso said he believed there was a growing trend towards body parts pursuing independent careers from their hosts.

"I fear it is only a matter of time before we see legs and bums in court seeking emancipation from their owners," he said. "I think the lesson in this is that we shouldn't take our bodies for granted. If current obesity levels continue we can also expect hearts to start suing mouths for food negligence."

Thirsty Cow is fiction and largely ridiculous.


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