Poll shows Ebola outbreak more popular than G20
A FRISKY Institute poll reports 70% of Brisbane residents would prefer an ebola outbreak in the CBD rather than G20.
The poll, conducted among 9001 small business owners, people employed in the city and people who aren't white, put G20 as more destructive to business than the 2011 floods.
Department of Expenditure spokesperson Dr Cave Instantly told Frisky Business that Brisbane needed to show itself off as a "world city".
"The kind of job growth Brisbane needs requires massive action on the global stage," they said.
"Local organisations have done a splendid job of keeping the locals indoors and ensuring that minorities have been pushed as far out of sight as possible.
"There's just something that crippling a city's commerce and disadvantaged that you can't get from a teleconference."
Dr Instantly was arrested and shot for speaking with us.
Sonic Cannon operator Sgt Nelson Blicboad defended the heavy-handed approach to security during G20.
"I swear on my mum that if you so much look at Obama I'll knock your head off," Sgt Blicboad said at a press conference.
"Honestly, I'm one button away from blasting you back to childhood.
"I have the paperwork right here - I just need to mark the tickbox that says 'plausible threat'."
Sgt Nelson Blicbard was arrested and shot for speaking with us.
While all necessary measures were taken to ensure the accuracy of the Frisky Institute poll, the Attorney-General's office did have all 9001 participants arrested and shot.
Frisky Business is a satire column. It is not real.