Photos while drunk ruin Tinder dating hopes
THERE'S something wrong with the dating app Tinder - or the way it's used.
I can't quite put my finger on it, but I think it starts with the photos. What is with those photos?
Sure, there are some normal-looking guys on there - okay, they're not all singles. Many are married, looking for a hook-up.
But there are also some seriously suspect profile shots that could double as mug shots for the local lock-up or evidence in divorce cases about why the relationship should end because of "irreconcilable differences".
I don't know about you, but photographs of guys who are obviously way, way over the drink-driving limit don't really push my buttons. Ditto guys photographed with scantily-clad but incredibly big-breasted Penthouse-style models. I've seen both on Tinder.
I also don't want to see pics of guys in the dark, with their sunglasses on - too chicken to show their faces? Or in the shower with their iPhone and their six pack, or lack of, showing, and maybe just a hint of pubic hair peeking over the towel.
Anything with nipple-showing tends to get my "no" vote as well. Sorry, I don't know you well enough for that yet.
Maybe when you take the photo, don't keep your mouth open, either, or don't have some dumb mate in the background making gagging motions.
I am sure male users of Tinder have similar complaints but, since I'm not really looking at the women, I'll have to just guess what they are. (Possibly not enough scantily clad, seriously intoxicated women?)
My friend Karin tells me that any Tinder photo where the guy looks kind of "normal" - both eyes are open, for example - is a good place to start. But I think I might be fussier than this.
In fact, I'm seriously thinking about starting my own dating app.
I think I would call it Not Desperate Just Looking, usually for fun while sitting on the sofa.
On it people could blog about the kind of things they enjoy doing as a single that don't involve binge drinking, racing souped-up cars or posing with semi-naked men or women.
Maybe there would be some stock questions about whether they are kind, help old ladies across the road, believe that men and women should have equal opportunities, or would vote for same-sex marriage or helping people in third-world countries in crisis.
As the Rolling Stones famously sang, I can't get no satisfaction, so I think this app should delve into their sexual etiquette too, including how they feel about foreplay, contraception, cuddling, and who gets out of bed to let the dog out, get the papers or make breakfast.
Beyond this there would definitely be a couple of points at which their application could be deleted and blocked instantly - when they refer to their ex even once as "that crazy b****" or similar, for example, or they refer to any offspring they have as "the Satan/golden child".
Photos would have to be no older than, oh, one week, and anyone caught sculling a beer in them or holding their hands above their mates' head in a V-sign would be asked to resubmit something more appealing.
Meanwhile, as they tell you on Tinder, I'll just keep scrolling right or hitting the X button.
Helen Hawkes is a qualified counsellor and happiness coach. Go to The Feelgood Factor at http://www.thecalmzone.com.au.