Audi’s are loved by the no-socks-with-suits brigade. A porsche? Perfect for the drive home from Mater Private to Bulimba. What your car really says about you.
Audi’s are loved by the no-socks-with-suits brigade. A porsche? Perfect for the drive home from Mater Private to Bulimba. What your car really says about you.

Mel Buttle’s brutal take on what your car says about you

It seems I've made a name for myself with my lists, so here's another, what does your car say about you?

Skoda wagons are for Greens voters who've done well for themselves, university lecturers who live in leafy suburbs love a Skoda wagon. There's lot's of boot space for bringing home farmer's market produce, Danish antique furniture and for the rescue greyhound of course.

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Audi A3s are the car of choice for up-and-coming real-estate agents, loved by the no-socks-with-suits brigade. These are the guys whose look is inspired by The Wolf of Wall Street. Audi A3 drivers are all about being a boss, not in the managerial sense, more in the big watch, weekends at Palazzo Versace, Instagram sense.

Porsche 911 Carrera.
Porsche 911 Carrera.

The Porsche 911 is the beloved car of surgeons. Wickam Terrace is littered with them, perfect for the long drive from the Mater Private all the way home to Bulimba.

Hyundai Tucson is the car of choice for mobile hair dressers, celebrants and Tupperware salespeople, anyone with their business displayed all over their car in decals is drawn to this model.

Toyota Camry is the favourite of retirees, preferably in gold. The perfect last car. Watch out for them doing 87km in the right lane of the M1 on you way down the coast. If there's a box of tissues and a hat on the rear parcel shelf, be cautious, as a non-indicated lane change might be coming your way any second.

Amarok Ute.
Amarok Ute.

Amarok Utes are for tradies with themed sleeve tattoos who almost got selected in schoolboy rugby. This is the ute for trendy tradies, these blokes are old St Laurie's boys who did a semester of commerce at UQ then decided to go into the old man's carpentry business.

The VW Golf was either purchased for you as a congratulations for getting into law at UQ, or, it's the hot choice of car for hipsters and upwardly mobile late-twenty-somethings whose next car will surely be a Skoda Wagon.

Toyota LandCruiser owners have a connection to farming, someone has a parent still on the land. Ever seen a red, blue or green one? Me neither, they seem to come only in white. They're always on the Ipswich motorway heading out to Toowoomba. Extra points for a, "every family needs a farmer sticker" on the back. The perfect car in which to pick up the kids from boarding school every term, before the long drive back to Chinchilla.

Nissan Patrols are often seen towing a Jayco caravan, with two retirees on their way to spend their superannuation in small towns up and down the east coast of Australia. Look out for the sticker on the caravan, with their UHF channel for their CB radio. These guys are serious grey nomads. Boating, camping, fishing, they do it all and love a yarn at the servo.

Mini Cooper electric.
Mini Cooper electric.

The Mini Cooper is a first car for the lucky children of well-to-do architect firm owners. Either that, or they're owned by a slightly offbeat West End woman who works in marketing, has statement glasses and Dinosaur Designs jewellery.

Honda Jazzes belong to divorced women in their 50s who are going it alone and loving life. This little car, as they love to tell you, "is all I need". If you look across into a Honda Jazz at the traffic lights, and listen very carefully, you can hear 97.3FM playing Pink.

Originally published as Mel Buttle's brutal take on what your car says about you

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