WITH Christmas fast approaching, it's that time of year that Christmas songs get played loud and proud. Since Christmas only comes once a year, and we've waited 11 months to hear these festive songs, why waste the opportunity by playing the same old songs? Here are ten songs that can spice up the festive music playlist this year:
Dropkick Murphys, The Season's Upon Us
As far as dysfunctional Christmas's go, it's hard to imagine anything worse than what would be experienced by the American Celtic punk rockers, but in some way I think we can all relate to the mayhem that Christmas can bring. The priest gambling with the Sunday collection money is a nice touch.
Duck the Halls, Ragin' Cajun Redneck Christmas
If you like your Christmas songs crispy fried by some good old boys from south of the Bayou, then look no further than this Christmas country song. I've never had a Christmas in Louisiana, but I get the feeling this song sums it up just about right.
Elmo & Patsy, Grandma Got Run Over by a Reindeer
If there's one way to bring down the mood of a festive holiday, it's the story of a hit and run by the jolly big red man that claims the life of a beloved grandmother told in an unnervingly upbeat country jangle. The dead, soulless eyes of everyone in this film clip suggests they're already dead inside, and grandma was the lucky one.
Bob Dylan, Must Be Santa
Despite already being a music legend, Bob Dylan decided that his thirty-fourth studio album, Christmas in the Heart, would be a holiday album for which all the proceeds went to feeding America. A good cause no doubt, but it's a shame the music wasn't. On the plus side, there is a ripping accordion solo, which the world has been severely lacking.
Lemmy Kilmister, Billy Gibbons and Dave Grohl, Run Rudolph Run
It is my firm belief in life that everything can be improved by heavy metal, and this is a perfect example. Heavy metal greats such as Alice Cooper, Tony Iommi and Ronnie James Dio got together to record an album of head-banging carols, and it's hard to go past this cover of Chuck Berry's 1958 song Run Rudolph Run by the late great Lemmy, joined by ZZ Top guitarist Billy Gibbons and Foo Fighters/Nirvana hero Dave Grohl.
Twisted Sister, I Saw Mommy Kissing Santa Claus
Despite my firm beliefs, there's only so much heavy metal can do, and this song by Twisted Sister is the worst of what the genre has to offer. The original song is bad enough, with the thought of finding your mother hooking up with another man, let alone the one who is supposed to judge the naughty and the nice. Add to the disturbing imagery Dee Snider dressed as Santa, and it takes a whole new dimension of disturbing.
Cyndi Lauper, Christmas Conga
This is what happens when girls have a little too much fun: a half-baked attempt at Christmas cheer. Cyndi doesn't actually explain why we want to conga at Christmas, as if we all should be doing it anyway, and the spoken word section in the middle is just...strange.
Aqua, Spin Me a Christmas
Yes, that's right. The people who subjected the world to the equivalent of the audio torture of Barbie Girl and Doctor Jones also tried their hand at a Christmas song. It's hard to say what the worst part of the song is: the cheesy grins of the elves, the pervy Santa, the awful music. I'll just say it's all bad.
"Weird Al" Yankovic, The Night Santa Went Crazy
It's no stretch of the imagination that after one particularly hard night of travelling the world and delivering toys to boys and girls, that Santa would eventually snap into a homicidal rage. In a way that only "Weird Al" can, he has delightfully imagined the bloodshed into a catchy little ditty.
The Jingle Cats, White Christmas
Finally, because no list on the Internet is complete without cats in there somewhere, here is a rendition of White Christmas as performed by cats. You heard me.
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