Supermarket reveals what's going on with the new-look ‘vagicado’ and whether or not it's a new entry into the popular ‘fruit that look like genitalia’ grocery line.
Supermarket reveals what's going on with the new-look ‘vagicado’ and whether or not it's a new entry into the popular ‘fruit that look like genitalia’ grocery line.

Is Coles rolling out a ‘food that looks like genitals’ line?

SUPERMARKET giant Coles has denied it has gone XXX with a specially developed 'vagicado' as a new entry into the popular 'fruit that look like genitalia' grocery line.

A Coles customer, who did not want to be identified for fear of public service workplace reprisals because of her association with rude fruit, said she was just walking the fresh produce section copping a feel when she felt up what has been dubbed a 'vagicado'.

"I was walking in Coles Casuarina feeling up the avocados," she said.

"Because you have to feel up the avocados because if they are too firm you can't put them on stuff.

"Since I own my own place I can afford to eat smashed avocado again.

"That's when I came across the vagicado."

Normal, wholesome, family values avocados, a fruit revered by Scott Morrison (probably) and which some feared Coles had turned their backs on in favour of something more salacious and damaging to the minds of children. Picture: Stuart McEvoy
Normal, wholesome, family values avocados, a fruit revered by Scott Morrison (probably) and which some feared Coles had turned their backs on in favour of something more salacious and damaging to the minds of children. Picture: Stuart McEvoy

The persea americana is a native plant of Mexico, but popular among the non-silent Australian inner city wanker class, which has swapped home ownership for the prone-to-enzymatic-browning flesh of the large singled-seeded berry - which are moderate to rich in B vitamins and vitamin K and also contain phytosterols and carotenoids - and who seem to have invaded Darwin's former stubbies, snags and public shags northern suburbs.

The NT News is not suggesting the vagicado spotter is any class of wanker.

 

An NT News rude fruit front page.
An NT News rude fruit front page.

She said they were not charging any extra for the vagicados; the avocado price has taken a plummet parallel to the Darwin housing market in recent years.

When asked about their new line of vagicados and if they were going to expand their range of 'fruit that look like genitalia' range, maybe under the 'fruit of the loins' banner, Coles said the vagicado looked like to be a single avocado with a slight imperfection.

 

This Dick-tater was one raunchy root vegetable
This Dick-tater was one raunchy root vegetable

 

Coles also said they had, in May, launched a new range of flawed fruit to help struggling farmers, giving hope to raunchy fruit aficionados.

"I called my friend over and she just rolled her eyes and looked away," the vagicado spotter continued.

"Everyone I have showed the photo to, I haven't even said anything to them, and they just started laughing. It is not just me who has a mind in the gutter.

The Big Avocado at Tropical Fruit World at Duranbah in NSW does not look like a vag.
The Big Avocado at Tropical Fruit World at Duranbah in NSW does not look like a vag.

The Darwin vagicado brings to mind Chrstine Leov Leyland's steamy 2000 novel Avocado: An Erotic Adventure of Spirit and Sensuality.

"Come to a tropical paradise of secrets and seductions, of dreadlocks and dalliances and of avocados, as you've never seen them before," the books spiel said.

Although not a trained pomologist, one prominent suggestive fruit and vegetable ethusiast, who wanted remain anonymous said: "That's a **** of a thing."

"I hope they are stocking those next to the eggplants and ripe peaches."


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