The Bachelor recap: The truth bounces out for the ladies
A WITCH hunt on The Bachelor has ended in tears and finger-pointing - with the secret, adult pasts of two contestants being publicly exposed and one lady being let go from the competition.
Honestly, Wednesday night's episode was so suspenseful I felt like it should have been narrated by the lady who used to do the voices on Underbelly.
Matty's overbearing sister Kate makes an appearance to get to know the girls. But what starts out as gal time ends in mysterious past lives being exposed before one contestant is pushed out of the mansion for good.
Rumours are sparked, secrets are exposed and a witch hunt ensues. And in a chilling final moment, one contestant threatens to divulge everyone else's secrets before going on an expletive-laden tirade in the back of the limo following her elimination.
But first, Kate's bullied Osher and stolen today's single date card. She takes it upon herself to deliver it to the mansion.
"I wanna try catch these girls out," Kate tells us.
After sending Alix on her way for the date, Kate takes a seat on the patio with the rest of the ladies. She's not leaving.
"So ... you'll be hanging around all day?" one of the girls asks. It's like when you're on school holidays and you wake up at 10am on a Monday and find out your mum has randomly decided to stay home too. It's extremely unexpected and ruins a lot of your TV-watching plans.
It's at this point talk of an intriguing rumour starts going around.
"There's been some rumours that Leah does have a few skeletons in the closet in terms of her business," Tara informs us.
Elise has heard similar: "There are a few rumours going around that Leah has a secret job title of a 'party planner' - which is a very, very loose term and covers a lot of different types of parties."
The rumour begins to snowball.
"Her clientele are dubious!" another girl tells us frantically.
"She's also an architect apparently!" adds another.
Florence is more direct with her suspicions: "Leah says she is a party planner. But rumour has it she is a NAKED party planner."
Not that I want to add to the speculation, but I hear Leah has secret powers and is also the idiot responsible for this whole stupid postal vote business. Clearly this girl is evil and needs to be stopped.
Kate pulls Leah away for some one-on-one gal time and Leah talks vaguely about her current studies in architecture and how she plans events. It all sounds very innocent.
But when it's time for Simone's chat with Kate, she pledges to tell the truth and nothing but the truth, so help her Osher.
Simone reveals not all the girls are there for the right reasons. She says Leah's a total bully and details the torture she's endured.
"She tried to break me," Simone divulges, voice wavering. "Why would anybody come in and try to start that if they're here for love?"
But Simone's crafty and doesn't give everything away. She decides to omit talk of these delicious rumours about Leah's dark and secret career as some kind of naked party clown.
It doesn't take long before these gaps are filled in by Elora, who tells Kate even more in the cabana.
"There's rumours that she could be some kind of exotic dancer," Elora says.
Kate's positively shocked.
Kate declares she'll be escalating this matter and making it her number one priority for investigation.
Kate doesn't confront Leah about her dealings in the naked dark arts in private at the mansion.
Instead, she decides it's more appropriate to bring it up on the group date which takes place at a childcare centre with a group of kids just metres away.
On the date, all the girls are assigned a child to play with for a few hours while Matty and Kate look on and judge their mothering abilities. I'm sure this exercise will be the subject of an annoyed column tomorrow.
As everyone makes crap out of playdough, Kate marches Leah into a cubicle like a naughty preschooler and sits her on a tiny chair for the interrogation.
Kate brings up Leah's party planning business and asks for the specifics, playing dumb.
Leah clarifies she did "a bit of lingerie waitressing" when she was younger, but now she just owns a stable of topless waitresses who she organises.
Leah's furious her past has been exposed by the other girls. And she wants to do it to someone else.
"I think there's girls that have quite a similar history to me that I'm sure weren't truthful about that either," she tells Kate.
Kate can't believe she's dealing with this rubbish.
Kate demands to know who she's talking about but Leah insists on playing coy. Kate becomes so frustrated she actually growls before spitting out names one by one.
"Simone?!" she asks.
Outside in the play area, the children pour vinegar into a playdough volcano. And like Leah's life, we watch it explode before our very eyes.
"I'm so f*cking angry that it's come from ... whoever the f*ck it's come from," Leah spits to us.
As the girls return to the mansion - without Kate - Leah is ready to throw down with the mole who outed her secret past.
She takes aim at Simone, her nemesis.
Simone's gentle nature is no match for Leah's scrappiness and her excuses flail.
"There's been rumours going around that you're a dancer," Simone manages, innocently.
But Leah bites back: "I think it's a little bit pot (and) kettle."
Clearly, Leah knows something about Simone.
"I'm standing there biting my tongue. And I'm looking around going, 'I have enough on every single one of you to destroy you'," Leah tells us.
It's chilling. I don't know what she's capable of and I'm scared she might even know stuff about me too.
This argument has become a complete mess.
Michelle jumps in and Leah tries to talk over her before Stephanie starts yelling something about grass and backyards and Leah starts talking louder and the camera starts spinning before Stephanie screams: "Oh my god you won't shut up man for f*cks sake! Shut up!"
As all this is going down, Kate's rushed to Matty's house with a cheese platter to tell him everything.
Well, almost everything. She reveals Leah's true identity as a "mean girl" and how she's bullied some of the other ladies.
She also brings up the "allegations" surrounding Leah's "business" - but stops short of giving the exact details.
It's up to Matty to now confront Leah and ask for the truth.
At the last minute, Kate also tells him he'd better have a chat with Simone about her interesting past too. She then hightails it the F out of this mess.
As Matty arrives at the cocktail party, his demeanour is serious. He immediately requests to speak with Leah to get to the bottom of her "party business".
She explains her business again and admits she previously did a bit of topless waitressing herself.
Matty insists Leah's work isn't a deal-breaker - but he feels betrayed by the lies.
Sensing where this is going, Leah decides to shine a light on Simone's previous employment.
She then giggles as she admits to Matty that she tormented an emotionally fragile Simone in the first few weeks of the competition to try and make her snap.
Matty looks like he's about to vomit.
'I'm shocked," he tells us.
As Matty continues his investigation with Simone, she cuts to the chase and admits to her past as a topless waitress "years ago".
"I was on my own. I had no one here and I had to support myself. And I'm not ashamed of it. I had to do what I had to do at the time," she sobs.
Around the time we're supposed to be attending a rose ceremony, Osher makes a premature appearance in the cabana and informs Leah she needs to see Matty again.
She stumbles down the dark mansion grounds to a fountain where Matty is waiting.
He's not happy. He feels sick. But it's not because of Leah's past.
"To find out your purposefully trying to make Simone snap? That gives me goosebumps," he says.
She tells him he's "making a mountain out of a mow-hill" - mispronouncing the word "molehill".
"There is one common denominator with all this drama, and that's yourself," Matty continues.
"There's absolutely nothing wrong with the way you act and being upfront and saying what's on your mind and having no filter. That's completely fine. But it's not for me.
"So I do think it's best that you leave."
Leah reacts gracefully.
"I really wish you luck in cutting through the fake bullshit. 'Cause there's lots of it," she says.
And as the limo pulls out of the mansion's driveway and heads into the night, Leah unleashes.
"I think Matty will be shocked at the amount of f*cking bitches he has in that house," she spits.
She then does a rollcall of all the remaining ladies and tells us what they're really like.
"Elora's so fake it's not even funny," she informs us.
"Steph's just a bitch.
"Simone got off scot free. She is in that party scene but acts so wholesome."
And with that, please keep Leah and her party planning services in mind for your next anniversary or office event.