The Bachelor recap: Matty J rejects girl mid-kiss
IN A humiliating moment, one girl on The Bachelor has thrown herself at Matty and tried to engage in a passionate kiss in front of the other girls only to have her advances publicly rejected and her face palmed away in haste.
"I've made a serious mistake," a humiliated Elora admits to us after Matty literally body-rolled out of her grips to avoid the kiss on Thursday night.
And as word circulates around the mansion that Elora had tried to seduce the communal boy on shared territory, tempers flare.
But first, Florence scores a single date and Matty flies in on a helicopter and they jet around looking at forests.
At this stage in the competition, I'm feeling very Shania Twain about his reliance on air travel to impress the girls.
On their last date, Florence and Matty made a plaster cast of their fists for unknown reasons. And we're getting crafty again. Today, we sit around watching Florence and Matty straddle clay wheels and make junky bowls.
It's like watching paint dry only this time it's clay.
Producers then force them to recreate the pottery scene from Ghost and I'm not even going to give them the satisfaction of including a screenshot.
The following day, we head to a soccer field for a group date. Matty's pulled on his best Lululemon for the occasion and all the other girls got the athleisure memo too.
Osher did not.
At first we think we're about to do something sport related. But then the date takes a weird turn.
It seems a producer has got the date itineraries mixed up. The girls have arrived at the sporting field in workout gear, but then Osher hands them giant square boards and tells them to write down their deepest, darkest fears.
It doesn't make sense but they all find their own space on the soccer field and spill their emotions out onto the canvas.
My biggest fear is trying on a pair of skinny jeans at David Jones and then struggling so hard to get them off that I fall into the dividing wall of the dressing room and crash through it - bringing the rest of the change rooms down with me.
Matty checks up on Lisa to see what her fear is and she basically tells him she's scared her already non-existent feelings for him won't develop into actual feelings.
One by one, the girls are then required to hand over the A3-sized diary entries to Matty, read them aloud and then punch them.
Their fears are then ranked best to worst and the girl who has the most impressive revelation wins private time.
Cobie hands her canvas over and apparently she fears everything.
Cobie fears so much she requires three extra canvases. She reads hers out to the group and it's an emotional rollercoaster. She details past relationships, ex boyfriends who've done her wrong, how she's put her heart on the line only to have it broken again and again. I think she even reads a few verses from a Tori Amos song.
She cries, punches the canvas and then goes back to fake smiling again.
When it comes to Laura, she's put her own spin on the exercise. Instead of punching a canvas with her fears written on it, she just hands Matty that shit portrait he drew of her on their first date and cuts sick on that.
By the end of the exercise, all the girls are in tears. They're feeling raw and exposed after being forced to reveal their innermost feelings while wearing spandex.
But there can only be one winner. And that's Tara. Mainly because her handwriting is extremely neat.
She's then whisked away to a fancy hotel to inhale pad thai.
This episode has been too nice and emotional and by the time the cocktail party rolls around where in need of some trouble. And Elora is just the gal to provide it.
She feels like doing something crazy and outrageous and destructive. When I'm in that mood, I consider shaving off all my hair thinking I'll look like Channing Tatum in Magic Mike but then I decide I'll probably just look like Cameron Diaz in My Sister's Keeper and instead just eat a pizza and take a nap.
Elora's version of this is pashing Matty at the cocktail party.
She grabs Matty and pulls him over into a dark corner. Matty tries to resist but Elora has insane upper body strength.
Her hand is curled around his neck and she tries to pull his mouth to hers.
Matty arches his back away before body rolling out of her grip and palming her in the face.
It's at this point the footage goes to handheld camera and it's all rough and ready.
"I can't," he tells her.
"You can," she insists.
"I can't," he repeats firmly, as she continues to beg him to kiss her. "I'm not going to do that here. I'm not. I just think it's a little bit disrespectful."
Elora doesn't understand that no means no and continues to push with her advances. And it's at this point the other girls figure out what she's up to.
It sparks an upset in the mansion.
It begins to dawn on Elora that Matty just rejected her advances and we all saw. The embarrassment washes over her.
"I was really shocked that Matty didn't kiss me back," she tells us. "I realised right there I made a serious mistake and I couldn't fix it. I embarrassed myself big time. I wish it never happened."
All the girls are livid that she had the nerve to go and pull a stunt like that in front of them.
Elora starts stressing that Matty is so disgusted by her behaviour that he'll send her home from the competition immediately.
She freaks out to Elise. Elise is mad but she's also a pushover so she listens.
"Were you worried about us?" she asks.
"No," Elora replies, shrugging her shoulders.
Elora's complete disregard for the other girls pisses Elise off. But, again, she's a pushover and she doesn't do anything about it.
When it comes time for the rose ceremony, it comes down to Elora and Lisa.
While Matty is letting Elora hang in the bottom two as punishment for trying to low-key assault him, we all know Lisa's going home because she basically won't shut up about how she has no feelings for Matty.
"I am worried I won't be able to develop my feelings for Matty," she freely admits to us before adding, "I'd still love to get a rose tonight".
And I know how she feels. It's like when I really want to go to the movies just because I feel like a frozen coke but the thought of sitting through a two-hour long piece of crap makes me want to die. But then I remember I can just go to a 7-11 and get a froke without having to see that terrible looking Ryan Reynolds movie.
Eventually Matty dumps Lisa and she's taught a sobering life lesson: there are far less punishing ways in this world to get a rose.
For more observations on Shania Twain and trying on skinny jeans, follow me on Twitter: @hellojamesweir