Adopted and rejected

A North Coast family speak about their experience with adoption.
A North Coast family speak about their experience with adoption. Cathy Adams

IT was supposed to be a joyous reunion.

Instead the mother who was forced decades earlier to give up a Kyogle man, who asked not to be identified, rejected her son a second time.

Then, 10 years later when he tried again, his biological mother went for the hat-trick.

It is now two years since the man, who is now 37, last tried to connect with his biological mother and he is still reeling from the trauma of her rejection.

"When I found my (biological) mother some years ago she didn't want to know me," the man said.

"It doesn't make me feel good. I feel like a bit of a black sheep that none of her family want to meet me or talk to me."

While he did manage to speak to his biological grandmother after his adoptive sister made a phone call, he believes to this day that his grandmother had a hand in his mother giving him up for adoption.

"It's pretty heartbreaking and its taking its toll on me," he said.

"Just being rejected as a young fellow and still being rejected now. It affects my relationships. It affects everything."

The man and his adoptive parents want more services in regional areas to help adopted children cope with the trauma that comes with searching for biological family.

The adoptive father and mother said their son's experience over the years in firstly searching for his biological mother, then being rejected by that family, has had a tremendous effect on his wellbeing and ability to form relationships.

The man's adoptive mother said the rejection had left him "emotionally crippled by his circumstances".

And that was why she was so passionate about the need for services to help adoptive children come to terms with their situation.

The adoptive mother said she had done everything she could to learn about services and facilities available for adopted children on the Northern Rivers, but they were few and far between.

"I would like for children like my son to be acknowledged. They've been to hell and back in many ways," she said.

"I want counselling, help, something for them. And if they want to find their families, funds to help them do that."

Topics:  adoption child mother parents reunion

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