Why wanting faster Internet makes you a criminal

Kieran Salsone
Kieran Salsone Thaii Chung

Dear How Do I: Business?

I run a bait and tackle shop in Maroochydore and I'm just about ready to throw my modem through a window.

How can I get an internet connection that won't drop out every 10 seconds? I can't run a business like this.

We live in a first world country, why can't I rely on something as simple as EFTPOS?


Offline and angry

Dear Offline,

Why do you want faster Internet? We've just had an election on this issue and everyone else seems to think copper is fast enough.

What significant chunks of information could a small business owner possibly want to communicate?

Are you a gamer trying to get your latest kick of murder and violence? Is that why you want a reliable connection?

Are you using your EFTPOS to sell drugs? Are you part of some dark internet where chemists and paedophiles trade their ungodly wares?

You're pirating television shows aren't you? You're robbing executives of their hard-earned dollar.

Copper has been state-of-the-art since the 1880s. Perhaps you're just no good as a business person.

Don't you worry, you'll be getting your pipeline of porn and violence soon enough. The National Broadband Network will be rolled out in your area at some point in the next three years. Fortunately it won't be that disgusting fibre-optic cable that's corrupting our youth and turning them into hardened criminals.

Topics:  Frisky Business nbn opinion

Stay Connected

Update your news preferences and get the latest news delivered to your inbox.

Snitz sizzles to win qualifier with ease

IN FULL FLIGHT: Brisbane jockey Robbie Fradd streaks clear to win the $150,000 NRRA Country Championships qualifier on board Snitz, trained by Matt Dunn, at Clarence River Jockey Club.

SHORT priced favourite sends everybody home happy.

Ballina Players brings popular military drama to the stage

ON STAGE: John Rado as Colonel Nathan Jessep and Dylan Wheeler as Lt Daniel Kaffee in the Ballina Players production of A Few Good Men.

Tickets are on sale for their new production of A Few Good Men

Triumph of dreams ... it all started with one bike

A CLASSIC: Meerschaum Vale's Col McAndrew with his Triumph 1956 Speed Twin which he will show at the Northern Rivers Classic Motorcycle Club's Show and Shine at Alstonville Plaza on March 18.

Col has six classic bikes; 100 expected at show

Local Partners